Monday, April 12, 2010

I'm having a breakdown and it's reallllly bad. I'm so trapped it's insane and i'm melting down. When I got put on bed rest with Evie in my last 3 months of pregnancy I wasn't allowed to be left alone (I had seizures and fainting and a whole bunch of bad) so DH would drive me to my rents then go to work for 8-10 hours then drive the hr back to the apartment to go to bed and do it all again. About 3 weeks before Evie was born the heat went in our apartment, it was the last straw (actually it should have been the cops getting called on us for 'disturbance' because our downstairs neighbor could hear our dog snoring through the floor)

anyway after that we decided it would make more sense to just move in with my parents. They had a ton of extra room and it didn't make sense paying $990 and utilities for an apartment we only slept in, we could save our money and not end up depending on our savings since I couldn't work. So about 2 weeks before Evie was born we moved in with my parents. It was a rough start because they weren't ready for us. Most of our belongings are in storage and we shared the 3 of us and a dog a small bedroom. But over the winger/spring we cleaned out one room after another and now we have our own master bedroom, Evie has her own room, and we have a spare bedroom that DH shares with my mom as an office/video game room we are just now converting. So far the situation has worked out really well.

My mom has learned her limits and backed off a lot when it comes to Evelyn and my dad has completely come out of his shell and bonds with Josh more than anyone I have ever seen him with. Which is so good for Josh too since his family is so far away. They go fishing, to football games, traveling, etc. I have been able to save a ton of money and pay off school loans, get a 2nd degree, and it has been so nice to be able to have support when I need it.

I'm not a very solitary person and I crave company. I hated when I went away to college just because I hated doing everything alone. Stupid things like cooking dinner together and eating family meals is so important to me. And it's great especially when Josh is working crazy hours to have some adult conversation.

So here is where it all hits the shitter. When I was about 7 my uncle and aunt built a duplex onto my parents house, they live there with their 12yr old and 4yr old. Both of which I watched as children so they never had to attend daycare. We all used to be very close. Well about a month ago they decided that they wanted to move. We offered to TRY and buy their house. Well long story short they needed it sold the next day so they could move into their new house and we just couldn't swing it in time. So again long story short they are BULLSHIT that we 'made them loose their new house' because we couldn't buy theirs. First off it had nothing to do with me Josh and Evie it was due to condoization issues with my parents and them. But they are hardcore taking it out on us.

It started with parking. We share one large parking lot in the back of the house. It's big enough to fit 5 cars if people don't park like asshole. I.e. your motorcycle should not take up a whole car space parked sideways, i.e. your van can move closer than 3 feet to the next car. I.e. if there's a GIGANTIC puddle from all the flooding the smallest car shouldn't be the one parking in the hole, it should be the gigantic truck. They made such a bitch ass big deal when their kids were born that they needed to park the closest to the house to get the baby carrier out. Since day 1 we have parked the farthest away from the house, in the mud/puddle. with the smallest car. Dad resorted to parking up front permanently, and during the winter they bitched so much about 'saving car spaces' since 'i dug it out' that we tore up our front lawn so we could park up front and not have to deal.

Well now it has escalated from parking to the spotlight. We have one spotlight that lights the entire backyard parking. It just so happens the way they wired it when they built the house the light goes off of their electric bill. One little flood light can't cost THAT much money. Well the last entire WEEK every night someone comes over BUllshit because the light was left on. Why was it left on? Because preggo takes night classes and comes home at 11pm! They are so inconsiderate that now we aren't 'allowed' to turn the light on. So at 11pm in the PITCH black I am supposed to navigate from the mud puddle at the farthest end of the driveway, through the kid toys, the lawn mowers, wood pieces from chopping, and oh yea the gigantic plow head that hasn't moved in 2 years, navigate through that to find the deck stairs, navigate up the deck stairs in the pitch black and pray that my pregnant ass doesn't eat it along the way. Seriously??!!

The next battle started last night with them buddying up with my sister, she moved out a while ago and has now started telling her shit that I 'supposedly said' causing her to turn into super mega bitch.

The next truck of awesomeness came this morning when they decided to move a truck load of wood from their 'wood pile' (directly under our deck) across the back yard leaving of course a GIGANTIC trail of debris in the path and then just LEFT IT!! Now I can't even bring Evie out to play now that it's nice and dry since it looks like a damn lumber yard. Their kids are old enough to know hey, you can't run with a stick, or put that in your mouth, not my kid.

So I decided to put the gate up on the deck and let her play on the deck with some toys and get some fresh air, well Mr macho comes home FLIPPING out about the gate being up!!! Seriously??!!! WE DID IT WITH YOUR KIDS!!! It's like whatever was ok for them is not ok for us. Any 'inconvenience' to them is detrimental to the worlds existence. I just can't take it anymore.

I want to move SOOoooo badly now. But i know if we even found an apartment we'd be back to living off savings or josh's check to check or even on government assistance. And finding a quality apartment that accepts dogs is just oh so easy anyway. I'm simply at my whits end. I know stress is bad for the baby but i'm just over done. I don't know what the hell to do.

It's not like they are reasonable people who you can converse with and rationalize with, a simple solution to the light would be asking us "hey the light is costing us an extra $40 in electricity mind putting in $20 a month to help us out? SURE!! NO PROBLEM!!" noooooo they don't want solutions they want ARGUMENTS. They don't want peace, they want DRAMA.

I seriously don't know how much more I can handle. I just don't know how much longer I can live like this before I seriously break......