Friday, May 7, 2010

So much has been going on that I haven't had the time to really sit and write. I went to the doctors for what I figured was a sinus infection from the horrid headaches I had been getting figuring a quick in and out I grabbed Dad's truck and left him to watch Evie. After waiting there half an hour they decide to send me over to the hospital for further testing. Freaking out we get in IVd up, meds administered (antibiotics and sumthin) to find out I had a huge vascular infection with migraines. Figures. I had migraines with Evie but this was totally worse because of the vascular inflammation and pressure. They gave me some meds, foiricet again, and let me go home. The last week has been amazing. I guess you really don't realize how miserable you really were until you feel better, and having such a 'quick fix' really made the change stand out!

We are having another baby girl (not sure if I mentioned that before) and are so excited. I know Josh was hoping for a boy but in some way I think he's really happy having another girl, he loves having the daddy's lil girls :) Evie has her little quirks with him that they share just between themselves. She gives him high 5's all the time but she wont do it for anyone else.. at all. (Trust me we've tried lol) Plus we already have all of the little girl things so I think it will be a lot easier. Since we're not having another baby shower I've been crazy shopping when I see a deal. We got a new baby bathtub set, a new bassinet, and trying to find clothes here and there. The baby is due October 3rd but we'll see if I actually last that long. So it wont be the middle of winter and need warm warm warm clothes but everything is still so spring/summer so we'll have to wait a while for clothes shopping. I didn't realize how much of evie's newborn stuff we got rid of. :/ We're also shopping carefully for a double stroller. The biggest problem is that our car barely fits the baby trend sport single stroller. Any regular size graco etc. stroller wont fit because it's too big, so we're really put in a bind. I love the "sit and stand" strollers but I just KNOW evie wont be old enough to sit still in it. We're shopping for a new car but our is just so reliable being a complete rebuild I totally fear getting a new one and having to put so much into repairing it etc. etc. I'm not about taking chances now lol.

My midwives officially took me off of school. They think it's just too much and it's why I'm getting sick all the time. I really need to listen to my body etc. So I joined a prenatal yoga group for some 'me time' and I totally love it. So much fun and I've already learned a lot!

Lastly, we booked our first vacation as a family of 3, and probably our last vacation as a family of 3 lol. We leave may 17th for Cape cod :) We're staying at the cape codder resort in hyannis . Awesome spa packages, and restaurant deals etc. not to mention a huge indoor water park! We're going to spend Tuesday on Martha's vineyard and while Josh goes deep sea fishing Evie and I will tour the gingerbread cottages, go to the beach, and shopping :) We're going to visit the old whaling station and aquarium on Oak Bluffs, and probably a bunch of other stuff I haven't figured out yet lol. I have a full spa service on Wednesday for some mommy R&R and then some sight seeing on the way home, probably hit up the zoo too! I am so excited!!!!

Monday, April 12, 2010

I'm having a breakdown and it's reallllly bad. I'm so trapped it's insane and i'm melting down. When I got put on bed rest with Evie in my last 3 months of pregnancy I wasn't allowed to be left alone (I had seizures and fainting and a whole bunch of bad) so DH would drive me to my rents then go to work for 8-10 hours then drive the hr back to the apartment to go to bed and do it all again. About 3 weeks before Evie was born the heat went in our apartment, it was the last straw (actually it should have been the cops getting called on us for 'disturbance' because our downstairs neighbor could hear our dog snoring through the floor)

anyway after that we decided it would make more sense to just move in with my parents. They had a ton of extra room and it didn't make sense paying $990 and utilities for an apartment we only slept in, we could save our money and not end up depending on our savings since I couldn't work. So about 2 weeks before Evie was born we moved in with my parents. It was a rough start because they weren't ready for us. Most of our belongings are in storage and we shared the 3 of us and a dog a small bedroom. But over the winger/spring we cleaned out one room after another and now we have our own master bedroom, Evie has her own room, and we have a spare bedroom that DH shares with my mom as an office/video game room we are just now converting. So far the situation has worked out really well.

My mom has learned her limits and backed off a lot when it comes to Evelyn and my dad has completely come out of his shell and bonds with Josh more than anyone I have ever seen him with. Which is so good for Josh too since his family is so far away. They go fishing, to football games, traveling, etc. I have been able to save a ton of money and pay off school loans, get a 2nd degree, and it has been so nice to be able to have support when I need it.

I'm not a very solitary person and I crave company. I hated when I went away to college just because I hated doing everything alone. Stupid things like cooking dinner together and eating family meals is so important to me. And it's great especially when Josh is working crazy hours to have some adult conversation.

So here is where it all hits the shitter. When I was about 7 my uncle and aunt built a duplex onto my parents house, they live there with their 12yr old and 4yr old. Both of which I watched as children so they never had to attend daycare. We all used to be very close. Well about a month ago they decided that they wanted to move. We offered to TRY and buy their house. Well long story short they needed it sold the next day so they could move into their new house and we just couldn't swing it in time. So again long story short they are BULLSHIT that we 'made them loose their new house' because we couldn't buy theirs. First off it had nothing to do with me Josh and Evie it was due to condoization issues with my parents and them. But they are hardcore taking it out on us.

It started with parking. We share one large parking lot in the back of the house. It's big enough to fit 5 cars if people don't park like asshole. I.e. your motorcycle should not take up a whole car space parked sideways, i.e. your van can move closer than 3 feet to the next car. I.e. if there's a GIGANTIC puddle from all the flooding the smallest car shouldn't be the one parking in the hole, it should be the gigantic truck. They made such a bitch ass big deal when their kids were born that they needed to park the closest to the house to get the baby carrier out. Since day 1 we have parked the farthest away from the house, in the mud/puddle. with the smallest car. Dad resorted to parking up front permanently, and during the winter they bitched so much about 'saving car spaces' since 'i dug it out' that we tore up our front lawn so we could park up front and not have to deal.

Well now it has escalated from parking to the spotlight. We have one spotlight that lights the entire backyard parking. It just so happens the way they wired it when they built the house the light goes off of their electric bill. One little flood light can't cost THAT much money. Well the last entire WEEK every night someone comes over BUllshit because the light was left on. Why was it left on? Because preggo takes night classes and comes home at 11pm! They are so inconsiderate that now we aren't 'allowed' to turn the light on. So at 11pm in the PITCH black I am supposed to navigate from the mud puddle at the farthest end of the driveway, through the kid toys, the lawn mowers, wood pieces from chopping, and oh yea the gigantic plow head that hasn't moved in 2 years, navigate through that to find the deck stairs, navigate up the deck stairs in the pitch black and pray that my pregnant ass doesn't eat it along the way. Seriously??!!

The next battle started last night with them buddying up with my sister, she moved out a while ago and has now started telling her shit that I 'supposedly said' causing her to turn into super mega bitch.

The next truck of awesomeness came this morning when they decided to move a truck load of wood from their 'wood pile' (directly under our deck) across the back yard leaving of course a GIGANTIC trail of debris in the path and then just LEFT IT!! Now I can't even bring Evie out to play now that it's nice and dry since it looks like a damn lumber yard. Their kids are old enough to know hey, you can't run with a stick, or put that in your mouth, not my kid.

So I decided to put the gate up on the deck and let her play on the deck with some toys and get some fresh air, well Mr macho comes home FLIPPING out about the gate being up!!! Seriously??!!! WE DID IT WITH YOUR KIDS!!! It's like whatever was ok for them is not ok for us. Any 'inconvenience' to them is detrimental to the worlds existence. I just can't take it anymore.

I want to move SOOoooo badly now. But i know if we even found an apartment we'd be back to living off savings or josh's check to check or even on government assistance. And finding a quality apartment that accepts dogs is just oh so easy anyway. I'm simply at my whits end. I know stress is bad for the baby but i'm just over done. I don't know what the hell to do.

It's not like they are reasonable people who you can converse with and rationalize with, a simple solution to the light would be asking us "hey the light is costing us an extra $40 in electricity mind putting in $20 a month to help us out? SURE!! NO PROBLEM!!" noooooo they don't want solutions they want ARGUMENTS. They don't want peace, they want DRAMA.

I seriously don't know how much more I can handle. I just don't know how much longer I can live like this before I seriously break......

Sunday, March 14, 2010

So it has been a while but things have been so busy! Last week on March 8th we got to hear the heart beat on the doppler. It was such a gigantic relief. I've consumed myself with pregnancy online blog boards and although it has been a great source of support and information it has also been totally terrifying as many women have lost their pregnancies. Every time I read another sad story of women who lost their babies I just become so paranoid and terrified which is so unlike me. With Evelyn I never worried about losing her or anything remotely close to it but I also wasn't involved in pregnancy chats or anything like them so I wasn't subjected to the information and sad stories of other moms. So to give me a bit of a piece of mind I'm ordering a doppler of amazon. I did some research and it seems to be the best for the value. Only $40 and it also gives a read-out of the heart rate so I can track it and such like I did with Evelyn. I think it is truly remarkable how everything has come about. Josh is getting more excited and Evelyn is in love with her "Beebee" If I lay on the floor she'll pat my belly and give it kisses. Totally precious. Her new favorite thing is trying to put mommy's slippers on so that will totally come in handy when I can't reach my feet anymore lol. So far so good though, morning sickness has almost completely passed thankfully, and I'm starting to get more of my energy back that I have been missing. If we could only get rid of the rain and get a few more nice spring days back I will have so much more energy :)

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Yuckie Mommy

I have been so miserably sick it's insane. After B6 supplements, ginger candies, snaps, tea, real ginger ale, preggo pops, preggo bars, preggo tea, small meals, etc. etc. there's been no real relief. I even went as far as trying coconut milk and pickled ginger pieces. It's been awful. If my mom had not been home on school vacation I would not have been able to function at all. She really helped me take care of Evelyn while I ran every hour or so getting sick. I was hoping that SOMETHING natural would work but now that Mom is going back to work tomorrow and there has been no realistic relief I have caved to prescription meds. I'm taking 1/2 a dose of Zofram and it seems to be taking the edge off. At the least I am not throwing anymore so I'm just hoping that the nausea can stay at bay long enough to get through the day until Josh comes home.

On the other side Evie finally got her 3rd tooth!! Little bugger gave her horrid pain for 3 days before it finally cut through! Top right :) She's been such a little trooper. We've started talking to her about a baby. We know she can't really comprehend it but I'm hoping to incorporate the vocabulary and concepts in so they are not so foreign to her. We read books about having a new baby, etc. We've pointed out Evies belly and Mommy's belly and if you ask her "where's the baby" she'll point to my tummy and say "Bee bee" and kiss it. Soooo freggin cute.

I decided to have her take a nice big bubble bath with me and holding her all lil naked in my arms in the tub was just so surreal remembering when she was just weeks old nursing her in the tub, and here she is walking around, talking, laughing. It's just so surreal. Part of me is very thankful that I will be able to experience all the 'newborn' things again, but the other part of me really feels for Evie. She has been the center of our world, or unexpected miracle baby, and here we are adding another into her world, where she wont be #1 but an equal. (A really ashamed part of me looks at her when she's sleeping in my arms all snuggled to my chest and can't imagine being able to love anyone more) I just really hope I can be the mom for this new baby and still be the same Mom she knows and loves for her.

As far as the delivery goes I am back to square one again. The Birth Cottage has gotten special approval for me as long as I am followed by an endocrinologist(which I am anyway). The problem is that I am starting to have second doubts. I am worried about complications during delivery. The Birth Cottage is Free standing so the nearest hospital is a good 20 minutes away. I know with my delivery with Evelyn everyone thought things were going to go wrong but it was perfect. The OBGYN didn't do ANYTHING I asked her to do like, wait for the cord to stop pulsating before cutting it, let me feel the head as it crowns, or reach down to receive my baby, or let me nurse right away. etc. etc. etc. But I am now so worried that something is going to go wrong and there is no immediate hospital or doctor nearby. Hmph.

The other issue is that the alternative is the Dartmouth Hitchcock OBGYN center where my favorite perinatologist is out of. I love him to death but after a 1st appointment with them I am left kind of unimpressed. Part of my disappointment is that their facility works with a HUGE genetic research center so they STRESS HARDCORE genetic testing. Which I am really not in favor of. I agree to the spina bifida (sp?) testing because if the baby did have the disease a Csection would be a much safer delivery. Other than that regardless what the baby is/has we are going to keep it and love it and that's the end of discussion, so having more testing is just silly. The other problem is that after being left alone in labor with Evie for 4 days I really want a physician who is going to stay with me not peek in for 2 minutes and leave until they are "needed", I NEED someone the entire time. So I wanted to keep a midwife but unfortunately due to insurance purposes the Midwives associated with them ONLY do office visits and no deliveries. The hospital figures the OBGYNs need to be there for regular duties so why employ more people that wont be used 100% of the time. Stupid. The other problem is that they have a brand spankin new level 3 NICU and they REALLY talk it up!! Part of me is concerned about how much they boast about it, that they may unnecessarily send babies to the NICU just to kind of make use of their money. It costs millions to create it and thousands to house and staff it, I worry that they kind of 'needlesssly use it' so they can validate why they have it in their hospital. The last issue I had was trying to get hold of the Doctor on call when I was throwing so much, terrified I was getting dehydrated again. I called 4 times and had the Dr paged before 3 hours later someone finally called me back, now I know it wasn't a real emergency but that's just ridiculous.

So now I am back to weighing the pros and cons of each. I have another appointment with the Birth Cottage on Tuesday (which I am trying to move to tomorrow) and I have a HUGE list of questions to ask. Hopefully I'll get some more information and be able to get a clearer idea of what I'm going to do. Ugh. I just need some stability right now.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Down but not completely out...

I'm finally home from the Hospital. I was throwing so bad yesterday that I couldn't even keep down water, and when my blood sugars started dropping I knew I was getting too dehydrated. I also started spotting. So they sent me to the ER.

After waiting almost 2 hrs they finally sent me up to Maternity. It took the stupid nurse 3 tries to get my IV in before she finally called another nurse in who got it on the first shot. Unfortunately they didn't set the IV up to do my blood work so I had 2 other pokes for blood work. We were admitted and started on IV fluids.

They gave me some anti-nausea medication so I could finally keep down some soup. After 3 bags of IV fluid they drew my blood work which came back with elevated white blood cells. Apparently there's a horrid stomach bug going around so the DR thinks that I got the bad bug and accompanied with morning sickness it just made it all worse.

As for the spotting they think it could be either the RH- I had with Evie so they gave me a Rhogam shot, or it was simply from all the excessive strain of throwing so much.

They gave me an ultrasound and the baby looks great. I am estimated at 6wks 5 days today Smile Giving me a due date of October 3rd!! They warned me that all the dates can fluctuate a bit because each technician can get different measurements but Oct. 3 was the best they could come up with according to the information they had.

They still want me to keep my appointment with Dr. Kaufman on Tuesday so he can check more thoroughly. For now it's so far so good. They gave me 50mg of B6 to take daily and if that doesn't work they can prescribe something, i just really don't want to take Rx drugs if I don't really have to. So far today I've had some more chicken soup and as long as I eat sloooowly it's tolerable. Smile

DH made reservations at our favorite fancy restaurant on Sunday for Valentines Day so I'm really hoping that I can actually eat!!!

On another sad note it looks like I wont be able to deliver at the Birth Cottage after all. Since I have a history of Diabetes they consider my pregnancy High Risk so they Birth Cottage's insurance and licensure wont accept me as a patient.

I was not very impressed with the OBGYN team I had with Evelyn. The nurse who tended to me last night was the same nurse who delivered her, when I asked her what my due date was, she replied "Oct 3rd, but don't get too hung up on that date because you wont see it anyway," I was like, "um, excuse me?" and she explained "oh we'll induce you well before then." WHOA??? Why??!!! I'm only 6wks 4days why would you say I'm already going to be induced. That's crap. Even the perinatologist thinks I was unnecessarily induced with Evie, the HELL if I'm going through that again.

So we decided to go to the OBGYN at Dartmouth Hitchcock in Nashua NH where my Perinatologist Dr. Kaufman is from. This way he can monitor me and at his facility what he says goes! The plus side is that their midwifery center will accept me with consults so at least I get part of what I want. I'll be delivering at Southern New Hampshire Medical Center so I'm going Tuesday for our ultrasound, prenatal appointment, and a tour of the Birth Center. It should be a lot of fun.

I'm really excited to finally have a due date and know how far along I am. And especially seeing the little bean makes everything more real. Josh was so adorable, he spotted the heart beat before the technician even did. He was so proud of himself saying "well I know what to look for this time!" with his smug little big man grin. It was adorable.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Beverly's a Bust

Tuesday we went to the Beverly Birth Center for orientation. I was born there and my sister would have been delivered there if she didn't decide to come out in 20 minutes in my mom's living room (yes fear #1).

Unfortunately it didn't look like much has changed since 1985. My mom even recognized a lot of the furniture and art work haha. I guess a few months ago they lost their funding and were threatened with closure so Beverly Hospital took over and everything has gone so "medical tech." it's like delivering in a 'homey hospital room'. Not exactly what I was looking for. Also there are SEVEN midwives to get to know. And to top it off their appointments are only 20 minutes long. They preach all about midwifery being a 'family event' where they 'teach you and your family about your body and the developing baby' how much can you really accomplish in 20 mintues?! The other concern is that it's over an hour away from us annnnd off of a major highway known for traffic. I'm also not too happy with the idea of having to learn a whole new hospital also.

So we have decided to go with the Milford Birth Cottage. I am very excited now. We also learned that they work in conjunction with the Hospital and obstetric team that I had with Evelyn so I am already very familiar with everyone! There are only 2 midwives, they have hour long appointments and the best part is that they not only allow but encourage your kids to come with you to appointments. I can't tell you how many offices have a 'no children' policy.

I am so relieved. It honestly feels like things are starting to come together and become more real! Now it's just he endless countdown till our first ultrasound. 11 more days!!!!

Saturday, January 30, 2010

The Greatest Grammy!

Today Mom, Dad, Evelyn and I took my Grammy to lunch for her 78th birthday. It was so fun. We went back to the Danvers Port Yacht Club where I got married and had lunch in their amazing dining room! It was such an incredible trip down memory lane. I always love seeing the harbor all iced over and the ships in the condom shrink wrap :) tehehe.

Finally I got to share our surprise with someone outside of the internet and boy was she excited!! It was really a breath of fresh air to get such a warm welcoming reaction from someone in person. I didn't get a lot of that with Evelyn so it is really refreshing to have people genuinely happy for us! It's funny how something as simple as just saying "congratulations" could make me so excited!

It has still not truly hit me yet. I don't think it will until our ultrasound on Feb. 16th. I'll have moments of elation where I look at my tummy and get all gitty "there's another baby in there!" :) I've started knitting again, working on a bunting now. It feels really good to be productive again. I just finished painting some wooden letters for Evelyn's room and started on her cross stitch picture. I really enjoy having something productive to do when Evie's sleeping.

On a good note they removed me from all insulin. They diagnosed me as "having a period of hyperglycemia" and not diabetic!! This means I would be able to deliver at a birth center and not a hospital! The concern is that since I was on insulin before I could develop "gestational diabetes" so we'll see. I'm kind of disappointed because after I left 2 messages (one with a machine and one with a receptionist) explaining that I am no longer insulin dependent they still have not returned my calls. I think they still do not want to take me on, which sucks because I really like the Birth Cottage. I am hoping that this changes after my consult/ultrasound on Feb 16th.

We have a tour scheduled with the Beverly Birth Center Tuesday night. It's the center that I was born at and I thought if anything it would be fun for my mom to take a trip down memory lane with me. It's a good hour drive so I'm not so sure how comfortable I feel having all my care done so far away, but we'll see.

I just kind of feel like I'm in a rut right now. I'm waiting for my doctor to write a formal letter stating that I am no longer insulin dependent and hopefully that combined with the ultra/consult with Dr. Kauffman (my favorite doc of all time) then we'll have made some progress and I can start my prenatal appointments!!