Sunday, February 21, 2010

Yuckie Mommy

I have been so miserably sick it's insane. After B6 supplements, ginger candies, snaps, tea, real ginger ale, preggo pops, preggo bars, preggo tea, small meals, etc. etc. there's been no real relief. I even went as far as trying coconut milk and pickled ginger pieces. It's been awful. If my mom had not been home on school vacation I would not have been able to function at all. She really helped me take care of Evelyn while I ran every hour or so getting sick. I was hoping that SOMETHING natural would work but now that Mom is going back to work tomorrow and there has been no realistic relief I have caved to prescription meds. I'm taking 1/2 a dose of Zofram and it seems to be taking the edge off. At the least I am not throwing anymore so I'm just hoping that the nausea can stay at bay long enough to get through the day until Josh comes home.

On the other side Evie finally got her 3rd tooth!! Little bugger gave her horrid pain for 3 days before it finally cut through! Top right :) She's been such a little trooper. We've started talking to her about a baby. We know she can't really comprehend it but I'm hoping to incorporate the vocabulary and concepts in so they are not so foreign to her. We read books about having a new baby, etc. We've pointed out Evies belly and Mommy's belly and if you ask her "where's the baby" she'll point to my tummy and say "Bee bee" and kiss it. Soooo freggin cute.

I decided to have her take a nice big bubble bath with me and holding her all lil naked in my arms in the tub was just so surreal remembering when she was just weeks old nursing her in the tub, and here she is walking around, talking, laughing. It's just so surreal. Part of me is very thankful that I will be able to experience all the 'newborn' things again, but the other part of me really feels for Evie. She has been the center of our world, or unexpected miracle baby, and here we are adding another into her world, where she wont be #1 but an equal. (A really ashamed part of me looks at her when she's sleeping in my arms all snuggled to my chest and can't imagine being able to love anyone more) I just really hope I can be the mom for this new baby and still be the same Mom she knows and loves for her.

As far as the delivery goes I am back to square one again. The Birth Cottage has gotten special approval for me as long as I am followed by an endocrinologist(which I am anyway). The problem is that I am starting to have second doubts. I am worried about complications during delivery. The Birth Cottage is Free standing so the nearest hospital is a good 20 minutes away. I know with my delivery with Evelyn everyone thought things were going to go wrong but it was perfect. The OBGYN didn't do ANYTHING I asked her to do like, wait for the cord to stop pulsating before cutting it, let me feel the head as it crowns, or reach down to receive my baby, or let me nurse right away. etc. etc. etc. But I am now so worried that something is going to go wrong and there is no immediate hospital or doctor nearby. Hmph.

The other issue is that the alternative is the Dartmouth Hitchcock OBGYN center where my favorite perinatologist is out of. I love him to death but after a 1st appointment with them I am left kind of unimpressed. Part of my disappointment is that their facility works with a HUGE genetic research center so they STRESS HARDCORE genetic testing. Which I am really not in favor of. I agree to the spina bifida (sp?) testing because if the baby did have the disease a Csection would be a much safer delivery. Other than that regardless what the baby is/has we are going to keep it and love it and that's the end of discussion, so having more testing is just silly. The other problem is that after being left alone in labor with Evie for 4 days I really want a physician who is going to stay with me not peek in for 2 minutes and leave until they are "needed", I NEED someone the entire time. So I wanted to keep a midwife but unfortunately due to insurance purposes the Midwives associated with them ONLY do office visits and no deliveries. The hospital figures the OBGYNs need to be there for regular duties so why employ more people that wont be used 100% of the time. Stupid. The other problem is that they have a brand spankin new level 3 NICU and they REALLY talk it up!! Part of me is concerned about how much they boast about it, that they may unnecessarily send babies to the NICU just to kind of make use of their money. It costs millions to create it and thousands to house and staff it, I worry that they kind of 'needlesssly use it' so they can validate why they have it in their hospital. The last issue I had was trying to get hold of the Doctor on call when I was throwing so much, terrified I was getting dehydrated again. I called 4 times and had the Dr paged before 3 hours later someone finally called me back, now I know it wasn't a real emergency but that's just ridiculous.

So now I am back to weighing the pros and cons of each. I have another appointment with the Birth Cottage on Tuesday (which I am trying to move to tomorrow) and I have a HUGE list of questions to ask. Hopefully I'll get some more information and be able to get a clearer idea of what I'm going to do. Ugh. I just need some stability right now.

1 comment:

  1. hey sweetie.. if u want my opinion go with the birthing center u have waay to many cons against the hospital not to choose the center and to be honest u deserve the center. they will take good careof u and the baby and ur right we all thought there would be complications with evie and there wasnt u did just fine i think u wil do even better with this one! go with the center screw th hospital andther procedures.. myguess is the baby is gonna be found with something stupid like "a heart mumur" and boom to the nicu it goes.. spending ur insurance money aimlessly. i think u will be very proud and happy with ur expirence at the center more and evie canbe apart of it at the center where as the hsopital she really cant be.. one on one is what a mother needs not bullshit people who come and go every hour...